A blog of endless curiosity
I don’t know what it’s like being a boy having girl friends or being a boy having boy friends because, well, I’m not a boy. Sometimes I wish I were because I wonder what things would be like from a boy’s perspective, like sex and stuff, that would be fun. I joke about how if I was a boy and had a penis how I would want to stick it in things like a pumpkin or a watermelon because I imagine that it would feel funny. I dunno, maybe im just big old weirdo though. But mostly I just imagine it would be like having a Freaky Friday moment but with the opposite sex. I think it would give you a better understanding of what life is like from the opposite point of view. I can try and imagine what it would be like to be a boy and all the different pressures that they must feel but sometimes in doing that I feel like I’m doing something wrong or offensive. Like when people say “how can you possibly imagine what its like to be me”. I can really only talk with certainty about what I do know and that is what its like having girl friends when you are a girl.
Two main things that are encouraged in girls from pretty much the start of primary school is female competition and jealousy. Its in everything from Jane Austin to Gossip Girl. Girls are taught from a very young age that they have to dress a certain way and that they have to be beautiful all the time and that is what their self worth and worth to others is based on. While they have friends they can also just as quickly become enemies through backstabbing and manipulation. Even though they have a group of friends who they are supposed to love, play, and experience life with, they are also in competition with them for the attention of boys and success and achievement in school, and later, in the work place. We are encouraged to be constantly competing all of the time and I don’t know if its just me but its EFFING TIRING! All this because we can’t possibly look after ourselves. We have to look for a man to take care of us and live out our white picket fence, happily ever after, domestic bliss with. Because women can’t possibly be happy unless they have a man in their life to take care of them. And in a kind of fucked up way this is true because if we are constantly in competition with our friends who would want to stick around. Or gee i dunno, we could just NOT COMPETE WITH EACH OTHER! DUH!
The other aspect of female friendship that is encouraged in our society is jealousy. Naturally, all this competition between friends will lead to not trusting the very people you are supposed to feel most comfortable around, the people you love. Naturally it will produce a massive amount of insecurities and being jealous of everybody around you. Even more messed up is that this is how we are supposed to show people that we love them, by being jealous of them and them being jealous of us. AAAHHHH its making me dizzy just writing about it. I once had a ‘friend’ ask me to go back to an abusive relationship so I could “keep an eye on” her ex boyfriend for her and report to her what he was getting up to and if he was dating anyone new. She called it “taking one for the team”. To me this not friendship this is manipulation, paranoia, and jealousy. But when I tell some people about this they think its just normal because, you know, men have wandering eyes and need checking up on. To me friendship should be comfortable, relaxed, based on love and trust and honesty.
Then in an attempt to leave all of these old so called ‘friendships’ behind, I don’t even remember how but I meet this awesome chick that feels the same about female friendship and jealousy and competition. And who talks about masturbating and sex and typically ‘awkward’ things with complete ease, like it ain’t no thang! Who I can talk to about literature and philosophy and I can also learn things from because she is studying really neat, interesting things like food politics and social development. And she takes an interest in the things I like. And she makes me feel like I don’t have to be anything but me. I don’t have to do anything that makes me feel weird or uncomfortable. And if I am feeling weird or uncomfortable we can just spoon it out and the world makes sense again. And it is the most wonderfully refreshing feeling. And she asks me to write for her blog even though I’ve never actually written anything but really crappy assignments for uni. Pretty much, she is the best person ever and I’m so glad I know her!